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I crave a little chocolate... SWF looking for light skinned or mixed SBM for friendship and who knows? Get in touch, handsome man seeking nsa sex bbws Silverthorne Colorado are all men of color in Asheville shy? lol Your heart: what's going on in there? I think I have a missed connection with your heart. See, after our first time together, I smiled all the way home. Even though we only talked and were supposed to only be friendly. I wasn't expecting that and didn't think I was looking for that, and yet there it was. A connection that surpassed all other connections for well over a decade. I can't even remember the last time I felt like this. It is so intense and all-consuming. To say it took me by surprise is an understatement. I'm not even sure when it was that I fell in love with you, but it was pretty much right from the beginning. Of course, I hope you do not know this so you won't freak out or pull away, but I think I cover well. I imagine I seem, at times, totally disconnected. This is merely my insecurity and my huge facade, to protect me because my feelings are sooo soft and lush, full with desire for you. The truth is I adore you. I look at you and want you so much. Yes, physiy. And sexually. Oh... sexually. If you only knew just how often each day I'm fantasizing about you and putting it to action on my own. But much more than those, I want you emotionally. I want all of you. And I want to share all of me. Without fear. But I can't. I think you would be surprised to know how much I'm silently admiring your face and hair and body (which sounds so shallow as I see it written, but I don't mean it in that way - I'm truly adoring each and every part and wishing so much that we could touch, handsome man seeking nsa sex bbws Silverthorne Colorado or that I could touch you as much as I want). I long for you. Even to just share affection. I think that would hold me for awhile and keep me blissed out. I fight the urge to just reach out, like all the time we're together. I'm so worried I'll freak you out, or that I've misread your level of interest, which would be easy to do considering all the mixed signals you're giving me. And so I just ache inside, and secretly revel when our arm hair brushes together. Pretty sad and ridiculous, huh? You know, when I read those things online, where people are sloppily laying it all bare, kinda like a 's impassioned slurpy wet kiss that catches you suddenly, it all seems so dramatic and I roll my eyes, so smug in my own "being above that stupid shit". And here I am. Complicated, with high highs and low lows, all based on what I'm feeling with you and what I think is going on inside you. How could I be feeling all these things in such a short period of time? I'm so embarrassed. And I can't help it. When I evaluate all the 'looks interested' against the 'isn't interested', I'm left so unsure of where you really stand. I wish I could know for sure without being direct, or asking at all. You are so hard to read and I find myself at varied moments equally confident that you want me in that way as I am that you're just enjoying what's here for now until something that you really want comes along. I can't deal with that, and I'm not, at this point in my life, willing to be the xxx someone settles for, or picks as second best and ends up with as an oh well. I want deep, passionate love. With you. God, it's even hard to say that anonymously on CL. Or are you playing my same game, where you want me and show it somewhat, certain to contradict it lest you fully admit what you feel and risk having that unreciprocated? Is it all to prevent pain or mess things up as they are? Because I think things are pretty messed up as is. Albeit, just because of everything going on under the surface for me. Not like I have any guts to change anything. I love you. I accept you as you are, despite your myriad insecurities and self-perceived flaws. I embrace you as is. And I want more of you. I think you're amazing. And this makes me crazy. Really crazy. Could there be potential problems? Yeah, totally. And I just want to jump in, all in, and feel these intense things with you, rather than have all this self-doubt. And when you mentioned the other couple women and I acted so encouraging? That is not how I felt inside. Inside I was insanely jealous, arriving Reading Pennsylvania tonight Buffalo dating web chat room plus also insecure thinking I could never measure up in xxx particular ways, which left me feeling depressed. Hopefully you didn't notice as I was covering big time, the feeling of crying on the inside. I'm really sensitive and this just makes me hide more, which is probably for the best, because this just might be your way of casually letting me know you are not interested. How could I possibly compete with them in the xxx important ways I feel I don't measure up? I don't know what to do with all these feelings and all this awakened libido. Truthfully, I'm planning to spend time with as many new people as possible, to distract me from all these strong feelings that I can't control or deal with. Hopefully, things will balance out and I can accept that you would never actually want me, but only like to flirt with me. I won't have the guts to admit this in person or even in email, but I'm going to let it out loudly and clearly here, where there's little risk: I want you. I love you. And I will be devastated if you don't feel the same. Even if you are a little interested, I don't think you're going to pursue me. So the end result is the same; I just experience the devastation in bits and pieces, elongated in duration, so that I can suffer more.
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